EPT London: Would you Adam an' Eve it
Hail taxi using tightly rolled umbrella. Doff cap to elderly lady you've just pushed aside* to reach said taxi. Hop in. Give driver instructions to drive like hell. Run lights, scream at bus drivers/ cyclists/ pedestrians, hop out at the London Hilton Metropole and tip well, for you're here on schedule.
Its EPT London time again, in the heart of the world's most vibrantly ruthless, excitingly self-centred, fantastically expensive town, you've got a ring side seat to the whole thing.
Of course we would say that, those of us who actually have a ring side seat for the most part live here. But while other places might boast title of EPT 'spiritual home', London is where the tour parks up, albeit double parked**, and awaits fresh directions.
Not only that, but there's a two for the prize of one deal this time around. This may be the third leg of the EPT's season seven, but it also serves as the inaugural Grand Final of the United Kingdom and Ireland Poker Tour, the winner of next week's final table being crowned winner of both.
We're no longer at the Vic, with its intimate card room, cheese toasties and ripped jeans policy, and are instead in the Hilton Metropole hotel once more and the view from ring side is one of several hundred players about to take part in one of poker's premier events.
Others may claim similar status, but jewellery is not for everyone. But the EPT is.
So sound out your T's, polish your shoes, apologise for everything, fix bowler hat in place and raise a glass of sherry*** to Queen and country of your choice - we're ready for a week of the best poker in the world. Tally ho.
*PokerStars blog does not condone the pushing aside of the elderly.
**PokerStars blog does not condone illegal parking.
***PokerStars blog does condone ties, bowler hats and sherry.