EPT10 Grand Final: Help put end to this little known condition*
Can't find your seat? DON'T suffer alone.
It's a condition thought to affect one in ten poker players at some point in their career. It can be the cause of great embarrassment, discomfort and can even affect performance, leaving the male player in particular feeling inadequate and impotent, especially in front of the opposite sex.
Doctors are unsure of the origins of the disorder, or of its specific name. It's thought the German word for it is "Kannnichtalleinzufindensitz", whereas in Latin it's called "Ubi est bonum meum," or "Ubi-est?" for short. In English though it's commonly known as: "Unable to find seat alone disorder".
Most players assume it will never happen to them, but ignoring it helps nobody. The longer we pretend this condition doesn't exist the more players will suffer. It could even be the player sitting next to you right now, especially if he hasn't turned up yet.
It's time to end this silent humiliation and bring an end to the stigma that has so long attached itself to Ubi-est? sufferers.
Fortunately the symptoms are easy to spot:
First of all you'll find yourself walking around the tournament room without fully understanding where you're going. Then, you'll start looking at your player ticket, convinced that you should be going one way when in fact you're going in another. Finally you'll decide to stand still and wait for everyone else to sit down so you can look for that one vacant seat remaining, which by the process of elimination must be yours.
Luckily a treatment is at hand in the form of specially trained Ubi-est? nurses, on hand to help new and existing patients.
Should you find yourself having an attack simply locate one of these nurses, easily identifiable by their black uniforms and ties. They will gladly get you the treatment you need.
So, remember the simple three-point "TIP" check list:
T: Trying to make sense of the tournament room?
I: Inspecting your receipt again and again?
P: Process of elimination, waiting for everyone else to sit down first?
S: Seek help immediately.
Don't suffer alone. Let's make Unable to Find Seat Alone Disorder a thing of the past.
You can donate on your way past the payout desk. Thanks for listening.
All the hand-by-hand action, including chip counts, will be in the panel at the top of the main event page. We will have feature pieces below that.
*This is not a condition sanctioned by any health authority whatsoever. Any relation to any existing "disorder" is entirely coincidental.
Stephen Bartley is a PokerStars Blog reporter.