WSOP 2012: Five endangered WSOP species

wsop-130x100.pngLook out across the landscape of the Amazon Room and ask yourself: what's missing? Put on your birdwatching glasses and stare intently at the crowd. It's different, isn't it? Our environment is changing. Species of WSOP birds are disappearing at an alarming rate.

We at the PokerStars Blog believe in conservation, environmental responsibility, and the recognition of endangered species. So, as longtime chroniclers of the game, we feel it imperative to take the dinner break hours and make note of the...

Top 5 Endangered Birds of the WSOP


Tufted Sponsor-Seeker (Hotbody Nomoneyicus): Once common in the Amazon Room, recent years have seen the Tufted Sponsor-Seeker slip to endangered status due to its main source of sustenance mysteriously disappearing. During the years 2004-2009, Hotbody Nomoneyicus multiplied in numbers that belied its heavily-skewed female population. The rapid spread of the Sponsor-Seeker at one point made scientists believe the Seeker reproduced asexually. Only after some careful study did one scientist reveal, "Oh, no, man. There's lots of sex going on." Although WSOP birders lamented the disappearance of the Sponsor-Seeker, they've recently been excited to see the vacuum filled by hordes of people who've never played the Main Event successfully selling themselves at a 1.35 mark-up. Said one WSOP ornithologist, "It's basically a wash."

Red-Billed Blood Sucker (Poker Agentinthus): A reclusive species of WSOP dweller, the Red-Billed Blood Sucker rarely sat down at the tables, preferring instead to lurk on the edges of the habitat in search of fresh carrion. A nocturnal carnivorous creature, Poker Agentinthus worked largely at night or early in the mornings when prey were at their weakest. Experienced bird-watchers tracked the Blood Sucker by following its tell-tale trail of embroidered patches through the hallway. After encounters with the Red-Billed Blood Sucker, inexperienced players were often heard to exclaim, "Wait...what percentage are you getting?" Explorers have recently reported sightings of emaciated Blood-Suckers lingering at the exits of Magic: The Gathering tournaments mumbling, "I'll mow your lawn for 10% of your take-home."

Crumb-Mouthed Suite-Dweller ( Mooching Railbirdus): Able to survive without a penny in its pocket, the Crumb-Mouthed Suite-Dweller subsisted entirely on finger sandwiches and free alcohol in the hospitality suites that lined he halls of the Rio Convention center. Some ornithologists believed Mooching Railbirdus, an invasive species, would eventually overtake and wipe out the habitat of the native birds. Before that could happen, a 2006 blight wiped the landscape clean of hospitality suites. The few Crumb-Mouthed Suite-Dwellers left in existence have been seen in recent years sucking on complimentary Sheets energy strips and begging the oxygen mongers for a free hit.

Obnoxious Warbler (Unnecessarious Celebratious): Once so populous that players were heard to remark, "There's one at every table," the Obnoxious Warbler was notable for varied plumage and size. Ranging from the diminutive Dmitri Nobles variety to the king (Unnecessarious Celebratious Gigantous) Hevad Khan, the Obnoixious Warbler could be seen exploding into midair for seemingly no reason other than the proximity of a television camera. Ornithologists watched with curiosity as the Warbler's behavior quieted in recent years. Many suggested Unnecessarious Celebratious Gigantous had undergone some sort of rapid evolution. Others believed a virus had inflicted an involuntary lobotomy on the Warbler. In time, science accepted the Warbler never really existed, and that the whole thing was simply a fictional brain illness conceived by M. Night Shyamalan during his "Marky Mark Fighting the Plants" phase.

Vegas Gentleman (Australopithecus Gamblerous): Credited as the origin of almost every species of WSOP bird, the population Vegas Gentlemen has been in slow decline over the past decade. Known for accepting bad beats politely, treating their fellow players with respect, and looking out for the best interests of its habitat, Australopithecus Gamblerous has spent the past several years under attack by the invasive Entitled Titmouse (Spoiled Braticus), a rapidly-spreading young species known for its unwarranted outrage, near-constant tweeting, and careless destruction of its feeding ground. Once the pride of the WSOP, the only a few Vegas Gentlemen remain in the wild.

wsop_2012_amazon_room.jpg

Species in decline in the Amazon (Room)

****

STATISTIC OF THE HOUR

There's a total of 2,114 entrants for Day 1B, which is more than double that of yesterday, taking the field to 3,180 so far. Organisers say they expect at least that number tomorrow.


LIVE ONE OF THE HOUR

The guy outside with a grudge. Let's leave it at that.


HAND OF THE HOUR

Barny Boatman took a knock in the last level. With around 50,000 in the middle he flopped a set of sixes on an ace-ten-six board, against a player with ace-ten. The third ace promptly landed on the river. He's down to 13,000. His brother Ross, playing in the Brasilia, is down to 15,500.