Spring, betting on the royals, and maybe a bank heist

April 04, 2011


Spring is here. The clocks have changed. Daffodils have sprung and everyone’s juice is up.

I’m going to dedicate my spring and summer to finding ways not to be in these dismally cloudy isles for next winter. It’s been a slog! I’m hoping I won’t need to resort to a huge one off bank job pre-escaping to Rio, but who knows? Watch this space.

There’s a royal wedding on. Astonishingly it seems people still care about that sort of thing. Don’t hate me royalist, but I’m a life long republican. As such, I find it absolutely impossible to relate to anything to do with the royal family and their shenanigans.

However I’m excited to report I’ve found a way to get through the royal wedding if you’re in my camp. You can bet on it! Actual wagers on things that happen during the blessed day. You can bet on the colour of the Queens hat (yellow is favourite), how long the train will be, the colour of the dress (black is only 100/1 — I mean seriously I know bookmakers have to make a living but you’re saying 1% of the time the Queen-to-be will turn up in front of the eyes of the world in a black wedding dress…). Anyway, the ‘finding money on the street’ bet of the year is that Kate will say ‘obey’ in the vows, as in “honour and obey.” I can’t see anyone in line to the throne doing anything as progressive as changing the vows – especially “45 year old trapped in 25 year olds body” Kate. I think the true odds of her saying it are about 4 or 5 to 1 on, actual odds 8/11 on. Get on board!

Saw a top film the other day – “Source Code” – a complete surprise in how well done it was. Except it goes on 90 seconds too long. They almost had the best ending of the year then they wimp out. Go see it. You’ll see what I mean.

There’s no UKIPT event in April. I miss it. They’re on Channel 4 every Tuesday though. Hope you’re enjoying them.


Nick Wealthall, taking all bets


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